More Than A Exile
by mialuv998
Summary: Losing the force affected Sera more than she realized. But losing the force was only the surface of the real trouble she never thought she'd face. Coming back to Republic space would create new set of problems and have her facing the old.
1. Chapter 1

Heels clicked in brisk tune on the polished blue marble floor leading into the Council's Chambers. Light casting in from the sun outside, waved over the floors surface. Any who would look upon it saw the seas it represented moving as if in silent meditative dance. An illusion, meant to calm all who entered the Jedi's sanctum.

Sera Hayden was anything but calm, however. Her face and posture reflected the serene pose of any Jedi, but inside her stomach churned painfully. Her robes hid her fisted hands. The closer they came to their destination, the tighter they became.

Before she'd even landed on Coruscant there had been someone waiting to retrieve her. The young girl ahead of her had told her as much as she bowed down before her, short blonde curls bouncing around her crown.

"_The Council requests your presence immediately."_

Every day of her journey home she'd led herself to believe that the Council would help her. They were Jedi after all, why would they not? Her dreams were filled with the hope they represented. But the moment the girl spoke, all her hope splintered and crashed, shattering into pieces of agony and pain.

There was no hope here, only a confrontation waiting in a pit of vipers. The girl stopped just short of the door and turned towards her. "Their waiting for you inside." Nothing on her face hinted to thoughts under the surface. A future Jedi Knight if ever there was one.

Sera smiled softly at the girl, nodding her head with a quick bow. "Thank you." She stood there for a moment after the girl left, her eyes almost looking past the durasteel door. Drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, letting her arms and body relax, she steeped forward, the door sliding open, and entered the vipers pit.

The council chambers were brighter than the hall outside. There were no walls in the room, only pane after pane of glass, letting the sunlight sweep in and embrace everyone with its natural warmth. Except Sera couldn't seem to find comfort in this familiar place. Her body shivered, her gazed sweeping across the room.

Only five from the council awaited her. They sat like stone figures in the plush, high backed white chairs, their faces betraying their every emotion, none of which seemed to be in her favor.

Revan's last words to her came back. _"If you go back you will be judged in place of all those who didn't. But you are strong, even without the force. Take care, Hayden, and be well."_

A low, gruff, and stern voice broke the tense silence. "Do you know why we have summoned you here?" Master Vrook. Despite how much she used to admire the older man for his unwavering discipline, she couldn't help but feel slighted by his presence. He never failed to voice his disapproval of her or anything she did. To him she always seemed to fall short of expectation. Looking at him now she saw no change in the way he viewed her.

She swallowed, maintaining a perfect Jedi posture, and lifted her head to face the judgment that was surely coming. "You have called me here to answer for my crimes on Malachor V." Her voice stayed even as she spoke, betraying none of the anxiety churning below the surface.

Then Zez-Kai Ell, an older gentleman with dark brown skin and soft eyes, spoke. His thick moustache ruffled slightly with his gentle voice. "As Revan summoned you, so have you come full circle to return to the Jedi." He stopped, considering her for a moment. "Why did you defy us? This call to war has undermined all that we have worked for. The Jedi are guardians of peace, and have been for centuries."

"Is Revan your master now?" Master Atris spat out at her from the right. Sera snapped her head to her, her eyes narrowing on her slight-white wrapped form. "Or is it the horror you wrought at Malachor that has caused you to see the truth at last?"

Her voice was even as she spoke, but edged with an icy tip. "Do not speak to me of Malachor. You were not there and wouldn't understand any of it unless you were."

Zez-Kai Ell raised his hand to silence them both, exchanging a look with Master Kavar and Master Vash. "You refuse to here us. You have shut us out, and in doing so have shut yourself to the galaxy."

"You are deaf, you are blind, and you are broken." Master Vash spoke, her light feminine voice sealing what Sera already knew to be true. "You are exiled, and a Jedi no longer."

So this was how it was to be. Her anger and fear screamed to the surface. No one would help her. She looked over at Master Kavar, and then Atris. No one, not even old friends. She started to turn from the group and leave, but Vrook stopped her with a raise of his hand.

"One last thing," he said. "Your light saber, you will surrender it."

She gripped her hand on the cold blackened metallic hilt. This was the last piece of who she had once been. Angered that they would take it from her, she scowled turning towards them. Her light saber flaring to life by her side, it bright silver blade glowing as hot as her fury. She spun around, jamming it into the tall pillar that was the center stone.

Her eyes fire and yet ice, she looked back at the Masters, her voice shaking. "You have all failed me. I hope one day you will all realize this and weep for what it is you have done."

Then she powered down her blade and let it clatter to ground, striding out of the chambers to face her new destiny.


	2. Ghosts

-1_Sera stared at the glass of blue ale sitting on the table before her. Her thoughts gyrated between one thing and the next, never fully focusing on anything as it grasped around for reason and sense. Time was irrelevant and nothing mattered beyond the space of the room. Her hand slid along the surface of the smooth rounded glass, her finger grazing it with trepidation. She couldn't remember how many she'd had. Her body ached with exhaustion, her limbs stiff with disuse. Still, she took up the glass, swallowing the ale in one great gulp. The alcohol blazed a path down her throat, its pain lacing through her mind, dulling memories and nightmares inscribed in her brain. But only for a moment before she had to face them again._

_She growled deep in her throat, grabbing the bottle to poor another shot only to find its contents empty. She gripped the stem of its neck and hurled it across the room, letting it shatter against the Durasteel wall. It's pieces fell to the others like it, meeting their same fate._

_'I need another bottle.' She grumbled, her voice gritty and distorted by the lack of any real nutrition since she left medbay. Her legs were unsteady as she stood, quivering in protest to the sudden movement, and she stumbled across the room, appearing more a vagrant than the Jedi she was. Her feet, unable to follow the simple commands of her mind, scooted along the floor catching on anything in her way._

_The mess in quarters would've disgusted her on any other day. It looked like the aftermath of a Mandalorian raid. The blanket and bed coverings were ripped off her bed and little more than shredded rags at this point. Plants she'd cared for through the entire campaign now decorated the floor with dirt and wilting heads. Pieces of broken data pads littered the floor with an accenting of overturned furniture. Pretty much anything that hadn't been bolted down, suffered her wrath._

_She cursed when her shin connected with an overturned chair and bent down to rub it, and ended up on the floor instead, her elbow cracking against its hard surface._

_'Damn it! Damn it all!' Her body rolled around, back and forth._

_She threw her arm over her eyes and seethed in her own misery. So steeped in it was she, that she didn't even hear the door to her quarters slide open, or maybe the ale was finally serving its purpose._

_'It is a sad day indeed when a Jedi is reduced to a drunken stupor after winning a war.'_

_Sera jumped like a newborn bantha and cringed. 'Revan.' Breathless, she looked up at the unimaginably handsome man propped against the wall. His long dark brown hair was as immaculate as ever. Only a portion of it fell over broad shoulders, while the rest of it, bound by a dark leather thong, and braided, hung down his back. His dark brown eyes seemed to laugh a little as he looked down at her. She huffed a little in indignation, though had the situation been presented in any other circumstance she might have been amused as well. 'So I'm finally to be graced by your presence. I don't suppose you brought anything to drink with you? Wouldn't want to waste a chance to celebrate our greatest victory!'_

_Her mirth wasn't hard to miss, and by the hard lines on Revan's face she knew it wasn't lost on him. As if just realizing what had occurred, he uncrossed his arms from his chest and crossed to her, his feet crunching on the glass as he crouched down and settled on his heels.._

_'I think you've had enough, Hayden.' He looked down at her. A moment of compassion striking his eyes before a wall shut down over them. Out of habit she tried to draw on the bond forged between them, but only echoes remained. Pain so strong quivered in her belly._

_'Really?' She laughed, hiding any thing evident in her expression, and wagged a drunken finger at him. 'Because I think you're wrong. I can still feel the emptiness. It echoes around me everyday. Getting louder and louder and LOUDER!' her body pitched as she screamed, and, Force help her, the tears she'd been holding at bay for days sprang to life and trickled back from her temples to her hair as she laid there looking up past Revan to the ceiling looming above her. Her voice was weaker when she spoke again. 'It's gone and I don't know why.'_

_A hint of emotion broke through his hardened resolve. Sadness so evident she could almost taste the tears gathering behind his eyes. 'I don't know either Sera,' His hand brushed lightly against her cheek and down to wipe away the tears. Then, almost as if burned, he pulled his hand away and stood up. His eyes scanned over the room as he moved. 'Drinking yourself stupid won't help any however.'_

_After righting two overturned chairs he looked back at her and offered his hand. 'But it won't hurt any either.' She turned her face from him and took his hand. There was a coolness to it. A coolness that didn't feel right. Maybe the war had taken something from his as well. His hardened exterior seemed to reflect this, and, yet...there seemed to be something more underneath it. But what she couldn't tell._

_His eyes roamed over her without apology after he settled her down. 'You aren't the girl I met on Dantooine anymore. You are different now, changed.'_

_She raised an eyebrow at his comment. His words belied a sense of regret, forming almost an apology. Strange, she'd never known Revan to apologize for anything. 'War changes people Revan. And this war has changed many. Especially after Malachor. If you thought it would be different you shouldn't have started this.'_

_His lip twitched slightly, then he looked her in the eyes. 'I want to you go back.' He said suddenly._

_'Go back?' Surprise was not how she would describe her reaction. Shocked maybe, or even perplexed. 'What do you mean go back?'_

_'To Coruscant.' His eyes stayed steady with hers, giving no ground nor any indication why he made the suggestion. 'You are wounded beyond anything I can even begin to imagine healing. The Masters have access to millions of years worth of knowledge, they might be able to help you.'_

_'But will they?' She asked settling back in her chair as her mind turned inward. She wanted to reject the idea outright. Just thinking about facing the Council now scared the hell out of her. So much shame to face and friends left behind. And without the Force she had little strength and desire to match wits with a room full of masters..._

_But they might help her and maybe that was enough._

_That thought gave her reason. Without the force she was nothing, with it she could be whole again. Her eyes softened to a degree and she looked upon her friend for reassurance. But Revan was light years away even though he was sitting right next to her. With a slow nod of her head and a soft voice she said, 'I agree.'_

_He didn't look surprised by her answer-not even relieved-only intent on seeing she did as he asked. A feeling of uneasiness settled in her gut. For a brief second she thought to ask him of his plans now that the war was coming to an end, but she knew deep inside that whatever his plans were they weren't for her to know._

Dry, dusted wind blustered past Revan's statuesque figure. Its silhouette still against lighting of the dead planet. He stepped forward his gray eyes fluttering over the barren landscape without really seeing anything but the dream playing and replaying in his mind. A long, low hiss issued from his breathing mask as he breathed in deep.

For months he'd struggled to regain the memories taken by the Council, and dreams seemed to be the only connection between his past and now. He shared these dreams almost routinely with Bastila every night. With a love like theirs he'd never thought there were things in his memory he'd keep only for himself. Then again, he'd never thought one memory would be the one to unlock all others laying dormant in his synapses.

The memory, the dream, caught him off guard each time it flashed through his mind.

Her smile soft and warm, lonely and genuine with interest lighting her eyes so they resembled the brightest viridian. No smile had ever touched him the way hers had. But still fresh in his memory was the image of her broken and lost after the battle of Malachor. There was no smile touching her eyes then, only emptiness so complete it was as if she'd lost her soul that day to the planet...to him.

He still saw her walking away from him the day she boarded the ship leaving for Coruscant. His heart clenched with pain from the memory. A pain he'd never let himself fully feel until this day. So many things could be different now if only he'd had the foresight to see what would happen. But that was the punishment he'd been given for his fall; to forever remember the people he'd hurt and destroyed on his quest to save the galaxy.

"The dark side is indeed paved with good intentions."

Before he left Republic space he contacted Carth, asking a favor of his dearest friend. Find her, he'd asked. Find her and bring her back. A hard thing to accomplish when there was no way to really find her. She was untraceable, her link to Force severed and no records kept of her passing. But someone needed to bring strength back to the Republic and no else he knew was more capable of this than she.

Now, here on the edge of darkness, he felt the stirrings of the Force. In his dreams he saw her—his Exile—coming into her own. The Force was closer to her now. Just within reach if she had the strength and will to grab hold of it; the daring to overcome the pain. To trust the ones who would help her.

He saw it all. The paths left open for her and the choices she would have to make. The familiarity of it wasn't lost on him. Before and even after the Mandalorian Wars they had some how remained connected. Again his heart constricted. There was so much in his Exile he admired, in the past he used to wonder what sort of magic she'd weaved over him. But this was a different day and so many things had changed he could only wonder what sort of person she would be now.


End file.
